Something to Say

I was an avid exerciser. I had "retired" as a fitness professional with the birth of our third child three years ago. At that time, I began to enjoy, once again after years and years of teaching, my workout time as being completely for my own benefit instead of making sure that I was not going to collapse in a class I was leading. Instead of being the gym rat that I had been for 15 years prior to that, I went outside with a jog stroller, kiddo in tow, when she was 15 days old. I found I did some of my best thinking when I move forward and was out in the air. (I cannot say fresh air here in Houston when it's packed out with every allergen known to man in every season!)

But, two years ago, I stopped exercising completely after a miscarriage. It wasn't on purpose at first. First, I was recovering physically and emotionally. Then I was just so sad, and I would, in my mind, link being out on the trails with the two agonizing weeks when I was losing the pregancy. I just didn't want to think about it, and that became an excuse not to return, not just to the trails but even to the gym. Then we got pregnant with our fourth little one about six weeks later, though long enough to derail me from a long-engrained habit, and the pregnacy and caring for our three other kids and our home drained every last bit of energy I had left. I was out of commission and remained there until this summer. I got on a bike. My husband bought one as an anniversary gift and bought a trailer for the kids to ride in with me.

During all this time of being down and out, my faith took on new life. We joined a church, finally. I began actively seeking the Lord in prayer, Bible study with other believers, and study on my own, and developed an intimate, personal relationship with Christ. My marriage improved and old relationship wounds began to heal miraculously. I had a healthy pregnancy and a new son, as our other three kids continued to grow up. I felt contentment and joy in a way that I had never experienced that came directly from my deepened relationship with Jesus and a new reliance on Him for strength I used to try unsuccessfully to muster.

Our new son, now a year old, started sleeping through the night over the summer too, shortly after I started exercising. I regained my energy and got some of my brain back! Maybe sometime I will write about Mommy brain. So I am back. I am on the road (actually, it's a sidewalk on a greenbelt, a little safer for the kids and I than our roads) rolling faster than before, even with a 35 lb bike trailer carring two kids weighing 23 lbs and 30 lbs inside it, and I am still wishing that I am going to get to redefine Mommy legs if I keep pedaling long enough, and not just Mommy brain!

My brain back on, and the Lord, as I meditate on Him and His Word while I am out breezing through swarms of knats which end up plastered on my chest and quacking at ducks with my kids for extra fun and to hear them laugh, has blessed me with time again with My Savior. There aren't that many ducks, obviously! My thoughts of Him and His thoughts for me are clearer and easier to hear in the quiet hum of my wheels and pedals, and the occasional duck quacking that I mentioned. That time is totally undeserved, and I am grateful daily that I have it and that He blessed us with the ability to be home with our children. And He gave me back something to say, what I hope are His inspiration and not just my meandering mouth, and at a time when everything around us in America is changing so fast that my head is spinning faster than I will ever be able to pedal, and I wonder what my life will look like in a year.

I know that I am no one, really. I won't be announcing to anyone but my husband that I am blogging. Maybe I will be the only one reading what I have to say. I think that my email list may just want to have me stop salting them with my commentaries, as I aspire to be the salt of the earth the Lord says I should be. The Bible tells me that each of us is like vapor in the wind, and while that thought could inspire a puff up of my ego as not wanting to be mere vapor, I can see how my life is passing by so quickly and that God did not breathe that thought to hurt me, but for me to see that this mortal part of my life is no dress rehearsal, but a time to prepare myself for His eternal presence as His bride, as a Christ worshipper--something far more important than my own agenda. What I have to say is for the sole purpose of glorifying His name here for the work of His kingdom and that my life purpose is to glorify Him while he does a good work in even me daily as I work out, quite literally in every sense, my salvation.