Recently, one of my closest friends went home to be with the Lord after a 9+ year battle with metastatic breast cancer. She was a wondeful friend, a loving wife, a fantastic mom, total brainiac, redneck, and warrior for Jesus. One of the things that she most wanted was for me to continue my blog and to keep writing. I am not so sure about it, but she was. I am typing today to honor her. We will see how I will do. Kelli, I love you and miss you!
I spent a few days a month the last six months helping to care for Kelli along with her family. Cancer had really dramatically changed Kelli's appearance over the years, but everytime I looked at her, a funny thing would happen. I could always see her just as she was the first time we ever met, and the more the cancer took over her body, the more I could see Jesus Christ being formed in her. The closer you walk with Jesus, the more the Holy Spirit will do the transforming work to mold your image to look like Jesus. (Rom 8:29) It was never Kelli's desire to have cancer, but when she turned her life over to Him and told Him He could do with it what He wanted (Rom. 12:1), the cancer and a much closer walk with the Lord began. What makes sense to the Lord will not make sense to us (Is 55:8), but He is the one who can see the end from the beginning (Is. 46:10) and has plans for us that are good (Jer. 29:11), if we will only come to Him and let Him be what He has every right to be as our Creator: Sovereign Lord over us. He can do a better job living and directing our lives than we can. With as much pain and suffering as there is in this sin-filled world, you would think the offer from the Lord would be a no-brainer and sound great, but most people reject Jesus Christ. The Life of the Christian is one of passionate devotion to the One who saved them from perishing in hell in their sins and gave them a new life, one free to follow the Lord walking in holiness.
So the week my friend passed, my oldest son also got arrested. We have had a very difficult time with him through his teen years, behavioural things first and then drugs. My precious friend had spent time fasting last summer and praying for his salvation. To not eat during chemo is like shooting yourself in the foot! Kelli had a system down with as much treatment as she had been through and had learned that keeping something in her stomach and staying hydrated (and what worked best for both) kept the vomiting and nausea under control. To have spent time fasting (a disconnect from the world) and praying (connecting to God) at that time was a huge sacrifice for her to get closer to the Lord and to do some of it on behalf of someone else and not her own situation. Alex wanted a fire insurance policy last year and raised his hand when the Gospel was shared during that same weekend she was fasting and praying for him. Hell sounds bad, and it is bad, but Jesus even tells us that there will be those who call Him Lord and even use His name to do some things, but they never really repented of their sins and accepted Him in their heart. In the year to follow, Alex cleaned up his act on the outside and stayed clean for awhile, but he eventually returned to misfit friends and more drugs and now legal trouble. There is and has been a huge struggle for his soul for many years now, and while he raised his hand for the Lord and prayed the sinner's prayer, this is what I know from my own born-again experience: no change means no change.
2 Cor. 7:10 says, "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death." When you accept Jesus as your Saviour to pay for the penalty of your sin debt, the person of the Holy Spirit comes to live inside you as a guarantee of your salvation (Eph. 4:13), to be redeemed by the Lord Himself. He is like an engagement ring, and the Church in the Bible is called the Bride of Christ. The rest of that is beyond the scope of what I am writing about today, but needless to say that the Holy Spirit also produces fruit in the life of the believer (Gal. 5:22-23) and as a really interesting aside for anyone who reads this and wants to study Leviticus, the Olivet Discourse and Revelation, the last three Levitical fall feasts are for the fruit harvest. Anyway, Alex never had any fruit but only the works of the flesh, sadly an indication of the true condition of his heart; he was not sincere. It was a sad and stressful year that has passed since my friend fasted and prayed for him. There has been a second arrest, both are for minor things, and two moves out, the last was permanent earlier this week, and the five of us are deeply hurt by Alex's choices. He is a loved and adored son and brother, but we cannot have a drug addict in the house, and he refuses to stop or accept the mind-blowing amount of help that has been available to him and continues to be. You would love to blame yourself, but the truth is that he never had that example at home, was counseled against all that he is doing, and when he did do the wrong thing, he was given abundant help to stop and make different chocies. We choose to sin, or we choose to follow the Lord, and when you choose to follow the Lord, He does not expect you do to it on your own: He puts His Spirit inside you and you submit to Him to live a godly life after Jesus. It's impossible to do on our own: the 10 commandments, the Torah, while they are holy, Paul also many times explains it is the covenant of death: it points to Jesus and our need for Him because we cannot comply with the list. We are unfaithful at heart, and it only takes breaking one commandment to break the whole thing! Anyone who has ever been through this knows how deeply painful it is to watch someone self-destruct and that you learn in the process that the best place for you is on your knees in prayer before the Lord and the best place for them is in the hands of the Lord, in both cases the only One who can see everythign, know everything, including how things are going to turn out when all you can see is a Cat 5 hurricanewhen you look at them. The Bible is clear that we are to be fruit checkers, and when it's someone you love, it's really hard when all you find are thistles. He is our oldest son, and there is no way to explain how much it hurts us as parents.
But I make a terrible god, a lesson Brian and I have both learned with Alex's situation. One of the worst things those of us on the outside can do is attempt to save that person ourselves. There is more going on here than just drug addiction. There is a demonic element to drug and alcohol addiction---anything really that you allow to be an idol and put in the place that God made in us for Himself. Until they want the help and have bottomed out, the only thing you have to offer is sincere, heartfelt, unceasing prayer over them and to tell them about Jesus Christ, a one step plan! We have a lot of experience in the 12-step, AA plans from detoxing Alex last year, and it is amazing how much it muddies the waters for a person not to be told the absolute truth about Christ and His remedy for sin and instead be presented with continuing to believe in a god of your own making--you choose, anything is fine, including believing in yourself or a doorknob! You have no power over sin (drug and alcohol addiction is sin like lying or cheating on your spouse or murder), and the only way to gain power over sin is to accept Jesus, which means you crucify your flesh and live for Him (see Romans 6) as a new creation and with a renewed mind in His power by His Spirit. Sounds a bit crazy and amazing, but that's what the Bible says, and that has been my born-again experience, my husbands, everyone I have ever met. We are not perfect people, but we are a forgiven people and growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus, which means that the way is going to be narrow, difficult, and painful. A church didn't die on the cross, our pastors do not die on the cross, our spouses didn't: Jesus did. Is it really too much to live for Him if you call Him Lord and do as He says and turn from sin and your old life and person? I digress. We have been told many times in the last week that he is legally on his own and that we need to begin living our own life without him and his addiction and let the Lord take it from here. Our lives are soley in the hands of the Lord and so is Alex's.
So here is the question: Do I believe God and His Word? This is the constant question for the believer and the unbeliever alike. These are hard things to consider with a person you love imploding and with an unknown end because we want to do something and we think God is not working fast enough!! Do I believe God and His Word that I can trust Him and not get in His way? It's a big question, and the trial itself is a bitter one. Sometimes I think that I would have rather had cancer, but God is the one with the plan and knows exactly what we need to be conformed during this time to the image of His Son. We do not know best, and we acknowledge that by placing our trust in One whom we cannot see except with spiritual eyes of faith. He is the Potter and we are the clay, and it takes time to cut away and mold all that doesn't look like His Son. I am most grateful for all the times in the past that the Lord has already shown me exactly who He is and that He is faithful and that placing my trust in Him is the not just the only response, but it's also the most powerful and it's the most sensible! He can do it; I cannot!
The Christian life is one of humility before the Lord of our complete dependency on Him. I cannot imagine anything sweeter. Despite the tears and the heartache of the trial, there is joy. Romans 8:28-29 is the "mothership" of all promises made by the Lord to the believer: " And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love God, and who are called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son......" That whole section of Romans is an incredible study, but note that there are two conditions there for God to work everything, including really bad things, for someone's good. First, they have to love God. If you do not know Jesus, you do not know God. He is the visible image of the invisible God (Col 1:18), and He is the way, the truth, and the life, and no one can get to the Father but by the Son. (Jn 14:6) And the Father's name is Abba to the Christian (it means "Daddy") and not Allah! The second condition is that they have to be called according to His purpose, which is to be conformed to the image of Jesus. If those two things do not apply to a person, that promise does not apply to them! Narrow is the way that leads to life, and that narrow way has a name: Jesus! So as difficult as our present trial is, to know that God is for us and will use even this for our good is a reason to thank Him, to praise Him, and to rejoice. It is also a reason to persevere in prayer as a family for our oldest son, our prodigal who has blown it at great expense to his family, and has found himself wallowing in the mud with pigs!
I read the most beautiful thing last week in the third book of The Shepherd Trilogy by Phillip Keller, and I will close with this. Every shepherd has a pet lamb that he takes everywhere with him and it follows the shepherd everywhere he goes. This lamb usually has a bell around it's neck and is called a "bellwether". It is the sole responsibility of the bellwether to go after the lost sheep of the shepherd's flock and bring them back home, this little pet lamb. Jesus is the Good Shepherd for those of us who know Him and believe, but for those who are lost, Jesus is a bellwether. Alex has the greatest Bellwether of all going out to find him and bring him home. May my family never cease to pray over Alex, may our eyes ever be on the Lord, and like Kelli, may we be conformed to His image, eventhough painful, until we are with Him face to face and finally a perfect reflection.
I spent a few days a month the last six months helping to care for Kelli along with her family. Cancer had really dramatically changed Kelli's appearance over the years, but everytime I looked at her, a funny thing would happen. I could always see her just as she was the first time we ever met, and the more the cancer took over her body, the more I could see Jesus Christ being formed in her. The closer you walk with Jesus, the more the Holy Spirit will do the transforming work to mold your image to look like Jesus. (Rom 8:29) It was never Kelli's desire to have cancer, but when she turned her life over to Him and told Him He could do with it what He wanted (Rom. 12:1), the cancer and a much closer walk with the Lord began. What makes sense to the Lord will not make sense to us (Is 55:8), but He is the one who can see the end from the beginning (Is. 46:10) and has plans for us that are good (Jer. 29:11), if we will only come to Him and let Him be what He has every right to be as our Creator: Sovereign Lord over us. He can do a better job living and directing our lives than we can. With as much pain and suffering as there is in this sin-filled world, you would think the offer from the Lord would be a no-brainer and sound great, but most people reject Jesus Christ. The Life of the Christian is one of passionate devotion to the One who saved them from perishing in hell in their sins and gave them a new life, one free to follow the Lord walking in holiness.
So the week my friend passed, my oldest son also got arrested. We have had a very difficult time with him through his teen years, behavioural things first and then drugs. My precious friend had spent time fasting last summer and praying for his salvation. To not eat during chemo is like shooting yourself in the foot! Kelli had a system down with as much treatment as she had been through and had learned that keeping something in her stomach and staying hydrated (and what worked best for both) kept the vomiting and nausea under control. To have spent time fasting (a disconnect from the world) and praying (connecting to God) at that time was a huge sacrifice for her to get closer to the Lord and to do some of it on behalf of someone else and not her own situation. Alex wanted a fire insurance policy last year and raised his hand when the Gospel was shared during that same weekend she was fasting and praying for him. Hell sounds bad, and it is bad, but Jesus even tells us that there will be those who call Him Lord and even use His name to do some things, but they never really repented of their sins and accepted Him in their heart. In the year to follow, Alex cleaned up his act on the outside and stayed clean for awhile, but he eventually returned to misfit friends and more drugs and now legal trouble. There is and has been a huge struggle for his soul for many years now, and while he raised his hand for the Lord and prayed the sinner's prayer, this is what I know from my own born-again experience: no change means no change.
2 Cor. 7:10 says, "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death." When you accept Jesus as your Saviour to pay for the penalty of your sin debt, the person of the Holy Spirit comes to live inside you as a guarantee of your salvation (Eph. 4:13), to be redeemed by the Lord Himself. He is like an engagement ring, and the Church in the Bible is called the Bride of Christ. The rest of that is beyond the scope of what I am writing about today, but needless to say that the Holy Spirit also produces fruit in the life of the believer (Gal. 5:22-23) and as a really interesting aside for anyone who reads this and wants to study Leviticus, the Olivet Discourse and Revelation, the last three Levitical fall feasts are for the fruit harvest. Anyway, Alex never had any fruit but only the works of the flesh, sadly an indication of the true condition of his heart; he was not sincere. It was a sad and stressful year that has passed since my friend fasted and prayed for him. There has been a second arrest, both are for minor things, and two moves out, the last was permanent earlier this week, and the five of us are deeply hurt by Alex's choices. He is a loved and adored son and brother, but we cannot have a drug addict in the house, and he refuses to stop or accept the mind-blowing amount of help that has been available to him and continues to be. You would love to blame yourself, but the truth is that he never had that example at home, was counseled against all that he is doing, and when he did do the wrong thing, he was given abundant help to stop and make different chocies. We choose to sin, or we choose to follow the Lord, and when you choose to follow the Lord, He does not expect you do to it on your own: He puts His Spirit inside you and you submit to Him to live a godly life after Jesus. It's impossible to do on our own: the 10 commandments, the Torah, while they are holy, Paul also many times explains it is the covenant of death: it points to Jesus and our need for Him because we cannot comply with the list. We are unfaithful at heart, and it only takes breaking one commandment to break the whole thing! Anyone who has ever been through this knows how deeply painful it is to watch someone self-destruct and that you learn in the process that the best place for you is on your knees in prayer before the Lord and the best place for them is in the hands of the Lord, in both cases the only One who can see everythign, know everything, including how things are going to turn out when all you can see is a Cat 5 hurricanewhen you look at them. The Bible is clear that we are to be fruit checkers, and when it's someone you love, it's really hard when all you find are thistles. He is our oldest son, and there is no way to explain how much it hurts us as parents.
But I make a terrible god, a lesson Brian and I have both learned with Alex's situation. One of the worst things those of us on the outside can do is attempt to save that person ourselves. There is more going on here than just drug addiction. There is a demonic element to drug and alcohol addiction---anything really that you allow to be an idol and put in the place that God made in us for Himself. Until they want the help and have bottomed out, the only thing you have to offer is sincere, heartfelt, unceasing prayer over them and to tell them about Jesus Christ, a one step plan! We have a lot of experience in the 12-step, AA plans from detoxing Alex last year, and it is amazing how much it muddies the waters for a person not to be told the absolute truth about Christ and His remedy for sin and instead be presented with continuing to believe in a god of your own making--you choose, anything is fine, including believing in yourself or a doorknob! You have no power over sin (drug and alcohol addiction is sin like lying or cheating on your spouse or murder), and the only way to gain power over sin is to accept Jesus, which means you crucify your flesh and live for Him (see Romans 6) as a new creation and with a renewed mind in His power by His Spirit. Sounds a bit crazy and amazing, but that's what the Bible says, and that has been my born-again experience, my husbands, everyone I have ever met. We are not perfect people, but we are a forgiven people and growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus, which means that the way is going to be narrow, difficult, and painful. A church didn't die on the cross, our pastors do not die on the cross, our spouses didn't: Jesus did. Is it really too much to live for Him if you call Him Lord and do as He says and turn from sin and your old life and person? I digress. We have been told many times in the last week that he is legally on his own and that we need to begin living our own life without him and his addiction and let the Lord take it from here. Our lives are soley in the hands of the Lord and so is Alex's.
So here is the question: Do I believe God and His Word? This is the constant question for the believer and the unbeliever alike. These are hard things to consider with a person you love imploding and with an unknown end because we want to do something and we think God is not working fast enough!! Do I believe God and His Word that I can trust Him and not get in His way? It's a big question, and the trial itself is a bitter one. Sometimes I think that I would have rather had cancer, but God is the one with the plan and knows exactly what we need to be conformed during this time to the image of His Son. We do not know best, and we acknowledge that by placing our trust in One whom we cannot see except with spiritual eyes of faith. He is the Potter and we are the clay, and it takes time to cut away and mold all that doesn't look like His Son. I am most grateful for all the times in the past that the Lord has already shown me exactly who He is and that He is faithful and that placing my trust in Him is the not just the only response, but it's also the most powerful and it's the most sensible! He can do it; I cannot!
The Christian life is one of humility before the Lord of our complete dependency on Him. I cannot imagine anything sweeter. Despite the tears and the heartache of the trial, there is joy. Romans 8:28-29 is the "mothership" of all promises made by the Lord to the believer: " And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love God, and who are called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son......" That whole section of Romans is an incredible study, but note that there are two conditions there for God to work everything, including really bad things, for someone's good. First, they have to love God. If you do not know Jesus, you do not know God. He is the visible image of the invisible God (Col 1:18), and He is the way, the truth, and the life, and no one can get to the Father but by the Son. (Jn 14:6) And the Father's name is Abba to the Christian (it means "Daddy") and not Allah! The second condition is that they have to be called according to His purpose, which is to be conformed to the image of Jesus. If those two things do not apply to a person, that promise does not apply to them! Narrow is the way that leads to life, and that narrow way has a name: Jesus! So as difficult as our present trial is, to know that God is for us and will use even this for our good is a reason to thank Him, to praise Him, and to rejoice. It is also a reason to persevere in prayer as a family for our oldest son, our prodigal who has blown it at great expense to his family, and has found himself wallowing in the mud with pigs!
I read the most beautiful thing last week in the third book of The Shepherd Trilogy by Phillip Keller, and I will close with this. Every shepherd has a pet lamb that he takes everywhere with him and it follows the shepherd everywhere he goes. This lamb usually has a bell around it's neck and is called a "bellwether". It is the sole responsibility of the bellwether to go after the lost sheep of the shepherd's flock and bring them back home, this little pet lamb. Jesus is the Good Shepherd for those of us who know Him and believe, but for those who are lost, Jesus is a bellwether. Alex has the greatest Bellwether of all going out to find him and bring him home. May my family never cease to pray over Alex, may our eyes ever be on the Lord, and like Kelli, may we be conformed to His image, eventhough painful, until we are with Him face to face and finally a perfect reflection.
