Hello!! I logged on and saw I had not written a blog post in SEVEN years. I was lucky that my computer had at some prior time recorded the password, or I would have had to start over again and rethink what to title my random thoughts.
I still don't know how to do anything but write. I may need to consult my 13 year old on how to make my blog more visually interesting. I am sorry it's just words for now because there is Instagram. I even have an account. I try to use it, but I am still a little lost.
But you should get proper punctuation and no homophone mix-ups here. I may still use subordinate clauses as if they are complete thoughts, but that is acceptable for bloggers to do this because it's cool to express things that way, or at least forgivable.
Now, I have written, but not here. And not like this. More along the lines of personal rants and cynical remarks. And this may turn out to be that too. We are only in the fourth paragraph.
But this is my last year in my forties, and I am realizing daily that today is all I really have, and my todays seem to be passing even faster as I celebrate birthdays. Maybe someone cares or maybe no one does about what I think, but if I don't begin, we won't know the answer to that.
When I began this blog in 2009, I wasn't sure about content past my daily life, hence its title. And guess what?! I have not evolved!
I am a very ordinary person. But maybe there is something even in the ordinary that could be shared which may be helpful or amusing or absolutely boring to someone else if we explore a little.
Starting with my top five life things going on today, let's see what we can sift out:
I am a homeschool mom in our tenth year.
I am fasting today for at least 20 hours. I am in hour 15 and feeling good.
I have finally restarted my commitment today to no dairy.
I have been eating a ketogenic diet for almost two years and lost more than 40 lbs WITH my husband who did the same.
I own a Newfoundland, which is more interesting than the fact that I also own two Corgis.
So let's do what we do when I work with my daughter to create synecdoches and understatements and choose one: let's look at #3 because its so disturbing.
Dairy is my nemesis. This is not a joke.
The worst is heavy whipping cream added to my coffee. I can easily skip any other form of dairy, but heavy whipping cream has my name written all over it.
It calls to me from the fridge when I make a cup of coffee, hence I have had to completely stop buying it, regardless of my daughter wanting some for her hot chocolate to make it creamier, so that when it calls to me, it's from the HEB fifteen minutes away, and I stand some small chance of using my willpower to drink my coffee black. My husband expresses no similar complaints, which is completely shocking, so I have been walking this particular road a-l-o-n-e. I have already explained to my daughter I am saving her from years of heart ache and regret.
Now, I don't hate black coffee because its coffee. But it's just so much better with Central Market Organics Heavy Whipping Cream.
And maybe a future blog will need to explore my relationship with coffee. But let's just battle one demon at a time, shall we?
I kicked this nasty heavy whip habit and then I fell back into it during a very sad trip about a year ago that involved a great deal of stress and deep grieving. It's important mention this in order to understand the trigger that turned my head and caused my downfall.
All dairy contains natural opioids which attach to the same receptors in our brains as heroin does. Yes, you read that right. Those receptors release dopamine, and it lies to you that you are feeling good. And if you cannot actually feel good, why not just add whip instead and embrace the lie?
An ounce of this in my coffee would give me a temporary fix.
I was hooked again, and it started another long downward spiral that involved me looking into the mirror wondering: who are you??
And that ends today.
Mostly because I am officially out of heavy whip. But to be very honest, I refused to stop drinking it until it was gone. My husband volunteered to help, and he made sure he added some to every cup until it was gone. Thank you, love. You are the most self-sacrificing husband on the planet! He actually is the best, but I am not sure this act is the best illustration.
So here is the thing: my body aches when I include any dairy. It magnifies any sort of negative effects of monthly hormonal shifts. It makes me feel tired. I can't stop at just one tablespoon in one cup. There are usually a handful of them through a typical day for me. These are the ugly truths after the dairy high wears off. I actually feel like garbage when I consume it.
I personally found that kicking all other starchy carbohydrates and sugar was easier than giving up my heavy whip. I really wanted cookies at the beginning of my keto journey and just really, really, really MISSED cookies.
Any cookies.
No cookies allowed in the house for anyone! EVER!
And I missed whip.
Forget the keto flu: that is over in a week! This is multidimensional and haunting.
Eventually, I stopped thinking about and missing cookies, but every time there was coffee, I could hear the pint calling my name wanting to be included in my beverage.
No one really tells you when you eat dairy that you may develop an addiction.
While not all ketogenic diets discourage dairy eating, my cornerstone (The Bone Broth Diet by Dr Kellyann Petrucci) does on the basis of all dairy being naturally inflammatory, which is at the heart of many health issues and excess weight. Dr Petrucci gave a small one sentence mention to the opioid thing, and I think that may have been in one of her other books. But honestly, I have spent almost two years battling this beast and feel all dairy should come with sort of warning label that consumption could be habit forming. Someone needs to blow this dairy situation wide open!
I think I could actually base my entire blog on battling dairy, but I am not sure I am clever enough to come up with a good name for it. You also would miss all the other misadventurous things going on in my life if I dedicated all my time to my dairy addiction and yours, which would be why you would read it religiously, but I digress. I wouldn't want to disappoint you that way.
If you find that you just reviewed all your eating habits after reading this and are so grateful the day I chose to come back is today while I am writing about whip and have found you are adding cheese to everything, you are in good company! There is a real dairy conspiracy going on out there! This battle is not for the weak!
I am also considering starting a dairy addicts support group. This blog post may not be enough for me to work through my own issues, much less for the many in the same boat who will read this and demand a safe space to talk about it.
May your day be blessed and dairy free, friends. Nicole
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