Rejoice in all things

One day, the Lord is coming for His Bride, the Church. In the meantime, while I was vacuuming today, I had an entire bag of popcorn seeds fall out over everything in our pantry and the floor, the Cheerios were about to do the same, and the cheesecake spices had not been put away. The Lord spoke to my heart Psalm 46:10, " Be still, and know that I am God..." I continued to vacuum and waited for Him to speak to me again from His Word, and He brought this portion of Scripture to my mind:

1 Thessalonians 5

1 But concerning the times and the seasons, brethren, you have no need that I should write to you. 2 For you yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so comes as a thief in the night. 3 For when they say, “Peace and safety!” then sudden destruction comes upon them, as labor pains upon a pregnant woman. And they shall not escape. 4 But you, brethren, are not in darkness, so that this Day should overtake you as a thief. 5 You are all sons of light and sons of the day. We are not of the night nor of darkness. 6 Therefore let us not sleep, as others do, but let us watch and be sober. 7 For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk are drunk at night. 8 But let us who are of the day be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet the hope of salvation. 9 For God did not appoint us to wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, 10 who died for us, that whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with Him. 11 Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.

12 And we urge you, brethren, to recognize those who labor among you, and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, 13 and to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake. Be at peace among yourselves. 14 Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. 15 See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 19 Do not quench the Spirit. 20 Do not despise prophecies. 21 Test all things; hold fast what is good. 22 Abstain from every form of evil.

23 Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it. 25 Brethren, pray for us. 26 Greet all the brethren with a holy kiss. 27 I charge you by the Lord that this epistle be read to all the holy brethren. 28 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.

I thought long and hard over what normally would have made me very angry and would have created a response of grumbling and complaining and thought about what the Lord was saying to me. Today is not going to be a day of anger or complaining. The Lord has other plans for me today. Today, He chiseled away a piece of me that looked nothing like His Son. Today, He reminded me that He is coming and time is short---I am of the day and have spent more than four years of my life studying His Word and should be sensitive to this everyday. Some days, I am not. Time is short for each of us anyway. Do you know how many days He has given you?

Beyond the expectation of His soon return and the gift of His face to face presence all the time, He pointed me to the portion starting at v12 and let me sit there, thinking on a Christ-like response rather than one from the flesh. I pray that I do not attempt to put that chisled piece back. Looks better without it for sure.

These things are not a tragedy. I have a Dyson Animal and time to clean it up. Praise the Lord. I got to thinking on the passage as I kept at the popcorn and Betsy ten Boom came to mind: a Christian, in a concentration camp for helping to hide Jews in her home in Holland during WWII, and she praised the Lord for the fleas. FOR THE FLEAS. The last time there were fleas in my home, they were not on me but a pet, and I was not rejoicing at all! These were ON HER and the other women there! Can we all not learn from her Christ-like response to something so horrible and ugly, knowing that God is incapable of doing anything but love us, works all things for the good of the believer, and says that He showed us His love when His Son hung on the cross and died for our sins, rather than looking at our circumstances? Can I learn this? Can I learn this while it is only popcorn seeds on my floor? When I look at the cross and at my Jesus, do I not see that ALL things work for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose? If Betsy ten Boom rejoiced in thanksgiving for fleas, surely the Lord would like me to thank Him for the popcorn seeds all over the floor and provide a better perspective.

That promise to work all things for good is Romans 8:28. It's a conditional promise to believers only. If you do not know Jesus Christ as your Lord and your Savior, the One who bought you and paid for your sins, I encourage you to pray in faith asking Him to reveal Himself to you. He is the friend of sinners and is ready to receive ALL who call on Him in earnest. That is not a call to a building, to a denomination, to a priest or pastor, to works: He says, "Come to Me." Me is Jesus. He is waiting to receive you, sinner, if you will allow Him into your heart. He is a kind and loving master, and His plans are so much better than our own, even if they involve popcorn seeds or fleas.

Thank you, Lord, for the family that You have given me: a wonderful husband and four beautiful children and one in Heaven with Your Son waiting for us. A roof over our heads, food, a working car, that our home is warm. Thank You for my husband's job and that my job is caring for my family and our home--please help me to serve them as if I am serving You. Thank You for all the big and small ways that You care for us---they are too numerous to count. Let me remember to intercede in prayer for those who are lost, who are hurting, to do good to all and to rejoice in You at all times and to be thankful at all times for Your chisel. I know that I am a long-term project. Thank you for any opportunity to share the Good News found alone in Your Son Jesus. Amen.

Looking Like Jesus

Recently, one of my closest friends went home to be with the Lord after a 9+ year battle with metastatic breast cancer. She was a wondeful friend, a loving wife, a fantastic mom, total brainiac, redneck, and warrior for Jesus. One of the things that she most wanted was for me to continue my blog and to keep writing. I am not so sure about it, but she was. I am typing today to honor her. We will see how I will do. Kelli, I love you and miss you!

I spent a few days a month the last six months helping to care for Kelli along with her family. Cancer had really dramatically changed Kelli's appearance over the years, but everytime I looked at her, a funny thing would happen. I could always see her just as she was the first time we ever met, and the more the cancer took over her body, the more I could see Jesus Christ being formed in her. The closer you walk with Jesus, the more the Holy Spirit will do the transforming work to mold your image to look like Jesus. (Rom 8:29) It was never Kelli's desire to have cancer, but when she turned her life over to Him and told Him He could do with it what He wanted (Rom. 12:1), the cancer and a much closer walk with the Lord began. What makes sense to the Lord will not make sense to us (Is 55:8), but He is the one who can see the end from the beginning (Is. 46:10) and has plans for us that are good (Jer. 29:11), if we will only come to Him and let Him be what He has every right to be as our Creator: Sovereign Lord over us. He can do a better job living and directing our lives than we can. With as much pain and suffering as there is in this sin-filled world, you would think the offer from the Lord would be a no-brainer and sound great, but most people reject Jesus Christ. The Life of the Christian is one of passionate devotion to the One who saved them from perishing in hell in their sins and gave them a new life, one free to follow the Lord walking in holiness.

So the week my friend passed, my oldest son also got arrested. We have had a very difficult time with him through his teen years, behavioural things first and then drugs. My precious friend had spent time fasting last summer and praying for his salvation. To not eat during chemo is like shooting yourself in the foot! Kelli had a system down with as much treatment as she had been through and had learned that keeping something in her stomach and staying hydrated (and what worked best for both) kept the vomiting and nausea under control. To have spent time fasting (a disconnect from the world) and praying (connecting to God) at that time was a huge sacrifice for her to get closer to the Lord and to do some of it on behalf of someone else and not her own situation. Alex wanted a fire insurance policy last year and raised his hand when the Gospel was shared during that same weekend she was fasting and praying for him. Hell sounds bad, and it is bad, but Jesus even tells us that there will be those who call Him Lord and even use His name to do some things, but they never really repented of their sins and accepted Him in their heart. In the year to follow, Alex cleaned up his act on the outside and stayed clean for awhile, but he eventually returned to misfit friends and more drugs and now legal trouble. There is and has been a huge struggle for his soul for many years now, and while he raised his hand for the Lord and prayed the sinner's prayer, this is what I know from my own born-again experience: no change means no change.

2 Cor. 7:10 says, "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death." When you accept Jesus as your Saviour to pay for the penalty of your sin debt, the person of the Holy Spirit comes to live inside you as a guarantee of your salvation (Eph. 4:13), to be redeemed by the Lord Himself. He is like an engagement ring, and the Church in the Bible is called the Bride of Christ. The rest of that is beyond the scope of what I am writing about today, but needless to say that the Holy Spirit also produces fruit in the life of the believer (Gal. 5:22-23) and as a really interesting aside for anyone who reads this and wants to study Leviticus, the Olivet Discourse and Revelation, the last three Levitical fall feasts are for the fruit harvest. Anyway, Alex never had any fruit but only the works of the flesh, sadly an indication of the true condition of his heart; he was not sincere. It was a sad and stressful year that has passed since my friend fasted and prayed for him. There has been a second arrest, both are for minor things, and two moves out, the last was permanent earlier this week, and the five of us are deeply hurt by Alex's choices. He is a loved and adored son and brother, but we cannot have a drug addict in the house, and he refuses to stop or accept the mind-blowing amount of help that has been available to him and continues to be. You would love to blame yourself, but the truth is that he never had that example at home, was counseled against all that he is doing, and when he did do the wrong thing, he was given abundant help to stop and make different chocies. We choose to sin, or we choose to follow the Lord, and when you choose to follow the Lord, He does not expect you do to it on your own: He puts His Spirit inside you and you submit to Him to live a godly life after Jesus. It's impossible to do on our own: the 10 commandments, the Torah, while they are holy, Paul also many times explains it is the covenant of death: it points to Jesus and our need for Him because we cannot comply with the list. We are unfaithful at heart, and it only takes breaking one commandment to break the whole thing! Anyone who has ever been through this knows how deeply painful it is to watch someone self-destruct and that you learn in the process that the best place for you is on your knees in prayer before the Lord and the best place for them is in the hands of the Lord, in both cases the only One who can see everythign, know everything, including how things are going to turn out when all you can see is a Cat 5 hurricanewhen you look at them. The Bible is clear that we are to be fruit checkers, and when it's someone you love, it's really hard when all you find are thistles. He is our oldest son, and there is no way to explain how much it hurts us as parents.

But I make a terrible god, a lesson Brian and I have both learned with Alex's situation. One of the worst things those of us on the outside can do is attempt to save that person ourselves. There is more going on here than just drug addiction. There is a demonic element to drug and alcohol addiction---anything really that you allow to be an idol and put in the place that God made in us for Himself. Until they want the help and have bottomed out, the only thing you have to offer is sincere, heartfelt, unceasing prayer over them and to tell them about Jesus Christ, a one step plan! We have a lot of experience in the 12-step, AA plans from detoxing Alex last year, and it is amazing how much it muddies the waters for a person not to be told the absolute truth about Christ and His remedy for sin and instead be presented with continuing to believe in a god of your own making--you choose, anything is fine, including believing in yourself or a doorknob! You have no power over sin (drug and alcohol addiction is sin like lying or cheating on your spouse or murder), and the only way to gain power over sin is to accept Jesus, which means you crucify your flesh and live for Him (see Romans 6) as a new creation and with a renewed mind in His power by His Spirit. Sounds a bit crazy and amazing, but that's what the Bible says, and that has been my born-again experience, my husbands, everyone I have ever met. We are not perfect people, but we are a forgiven people and growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus, which means that the way is going to be narrow, difficult, and painful. A church didn't die on the cross, our pastors do not die on the cross, our spouses didn't: Jesus did. Is it really too much to live for Him if you call Him Lord and do as He says and turn from sin and your old life and person? I digress. We have been told many times in the last week that he is legally on his own and that we need to begin living our own life without him and his addiction and let the Lord take it from here. Our lives are soley in the hands of the Lord and so is Alex's.

So here is the question: Do I believe God and His Word? This is the constant question for the believer and the unbeliever alike. These are hard things to consider with a person you love imploding and with an unknown end because we want to do something and we think God is not working fast enough!! Do I believe God and His Word that I can trust Him and not get in His way? It's a big question, and the trial itself is a bitter one. Sometimes I think that I would have rather had cancer, but God is the one with the plan and knows exactly what we need to be conformed during this time to the image of His Son. We do not know best, and we acknowledge that by placing our trust in One whom we cannot see except with spiritual eyes of faith. He is the Potter and we are the clay, and it takes time to cut away and mold all that doesn't look like His Son. I am most grateful for all the times in the past that the Lord has already shown me exactly who He is and that He is faithful and that placing my trust in Him is the not just the only response, but it's also the most powerful and it's the most sensible! He can do it; I cannot!

The Christian life is one of humility before the Lord of our complete dependency on Him. I cannot imagine anything sweeter. Despite the tears and the heartache of the trial, there is joy. Romans 8:28-29 is the "mothership" of all promises made by the Lord to the believer: " And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love God, and who are called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son......" That whole section of Romans is an incredible study, but note that there are two conditions there for God to work everything, including really bad things, for someone's good. First, they have to love God. If you do not know Jesus, you do not know God. He is the visible image of the invisible God (Col 1:18), and He is the way, the truth, and the life, and no one can get to the Father but by the Son. (Jn 14:6) And the Father's name is Abba to the Christian (it means "Daddy") and not Allah! The second condition is that they have to be called according to His purpose, which is to be conformed to the image of Jesus. If those two things do not apply to a person, that promise does not apply to them! Narrow is the way that leads to life, and that narrow way has a name: Jesus! So as difficult as our present trial is, to know that God is for us and will use even this for our good is a reason to thank Him, to praise Him, and to rejoice. It is also a reason to persevere in prayer as a family for our oldest son, our prodigal who has blown it at great expense to his family, and has found himself wallowing in the mud with pigs!

I read the most beautiful thing last week in the third book of The Shepherd Trilogy by Phillip Keller, and I will close with this. Every shepherd has a pet lamb that he takes everywhere with him and it follows the shepherd everywhere he goes. This lamb usually has a bell around it's neck and is called a "bellwether". It is the sole responsibility of the bellwether to go after the lost sheep of the shepherd's flock and bring them back home, this little pet lamb. Jesus is the Good Shepherd for those of us who know Him and believe, but for those who are lost, Jesus is a bellwether. Alex has the greatest Bellwether of all going out to find him and bring him home. May my family never cease to pray over Alex, may our eyes ever be on the Lord, and like Kelli, may we be conformed to His image, eventhough painful, until we are with Him face to face and finally a perfect reflection.

My Endless Headache

Apparently, I get migraines. I thought I was just sensitive to atmospheric pressure changes when rain is coming our way. Alas, that may be so, but I get these also! It looks like they may be hormonally triggered. I am in so much pain at this point, I am not sure I care what the cause is. I just want relief!

I am now into day three of this latest migraine. No pain reliever has worked, nor Sudafed to help relieve some of the pressure that I am feeling in my sinuses....I am pretty sure that the pressure is from my brain wanting to explode through my right eye. I have dabbed peppermint oil on my temples and the nape of my neck and eaten grapes---something natural that is said to help---to no avail. I was helped by a very kind woman at Lowes about 8 weeks ago during my last migraine who told me to pinch down on the inside of my skin between my first finger and thumb to find some relief---which does work very temporarily---and to increase my calcium intake, something I am guilty of skimping on because I am lactose sensitive/intolerant and have been working on since then. I am now eyeing my husband's vice grip in our garage as a possibility for relief.....

But as I sit here in pain, feeling a bit sorry for myself, I am humbled by friends who are going through far worse and without real solutions or true physical relief in site. A good friend continues her fight with breast cancer, more than 7 years since she found the lump in her breast, with two recurrences and no cure in site. Our pastor's wife battles stage 3A colorectal cancer, said to be in remission, but continuing to wade through 6 months of chemo with the hope that it won't come back, a hope that has failed my first friend, who had a better prognosis following her first round with her own battle. Two friends from Bible study are going through radiation for breast cancer right now, both ladies young and love the Lord. I am praying for three others I have never met who are battling breast cancer also. A sweet girl from my Bible study is in danger of miscarrying her precious second child after beginning to spot over the weekend. I just prayed with her two weeks ago over this little one. Another friend has MS and is close to my age. Another friend has a slue of symptoms that the doctors have not been able to diagnose and they are dibilitating her one day at a time. I have one Muslim friend. She is completely lost to the Lord and doesn't know it and I have no idea how to tell her who Jesus is---Muslim Jesus is not even close to who our Lord is---other than to stop at her home the day following the Ft Hood shooting and tell her that I love her and that Christ does also. She judges me on my witness--- our oldest son having a girl friend which they don't approve of---as being better than me and pities me. But I know that the Lord put me at her door in my humbleness, knowing that it's His love that matters, not anything about me or my family, that has the potential to make the difference in her ever knowing the truth. I cannot bear the thought of she and her family eternally lost. Puts that pesky migraine into perspective a bit for me, and makes me want to pray over them.

Father, I love you. Thank you for the sacrifice of Your only son for my life and for anyone who accepts the grace You extend through His life. Lord, all these women, some suffering greatly, one lost for the moment eternally, with You as our only Hope. Lord, it is my hearts desire for each of these women to know You and to experience Your presence through every moment of their lives. May each trial bring about a greater closeness with you. May every blessing bring praise to Your Holy Name. May the lost have their eyes and hearts opened to You and those that are Yours already feel the comfort only a Heavenly Father can provide. Thank you Lord for the blessing of this migraine that I may lean on You more, that I may see the needs of others who are far greater than myself as more important and spend my time in prayer over them instead. I find myself thankful for a trial that helps me to see You better and live out Your command and to understand it truly: to think of others as better than myself. In Jesus precious name.

One Poopy Diaper After Another

My nose has had an overload of ragweed this week at 15 miles an hour, so I am off my bike for the day today as I succumb to the tail end of my cold and my ever-present allergy to heal up by Sunday so that my allergy is the only thing I am contending with.

Our youngest is teething and caught my cold to boot. Our 3 year old is potty training and it's not going very well. My days have become one poopy diaper after another between the two of them, and I keep thinking how fortunate I am to live at a time when we have disposable diapers and pull-ups while I wade through cleaning all the poop--and there is a lot of it as anyone who has ever had a teething child or any child who is not yet fully potty-trained would know. And I also rest in the thought that somehow I managed to get our 12 and 16 year olds out of their diapers too.

So last time I mentioned James 4:14 that compares a human life to vapor in the wind:

How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.

The verse is not meant to make little of us. The Bible tells us that the Lord knows our hearts and our every thought, that He walks with us through every experience, and that He even stores our tears in a bottle and writes down what they were shed for. We are not little and insignificant to God. He made us in His image and loved us enough to humble himself to put on flesh in His son Jesus, and then offer Himself as a sinless sacrifice on the cross as payment for all sin. We are a big deal to Him. If you read the entire chapter of James 4 in context, James talks with us about drawing closer to God and then warns us against judging others, something the Lord Himself was only designed to do, and against self-confidence.

We live in a culture that teaches and preaches our nothingness without dependence on self only, polarization of the haves and have nots which is only becoming deeper with a socialist political agenda coming out of the White House, not to mention what is happening all over the world, the idea that what God says is sin we don't want to call sin anymore, or that one sin is not as bad as another, and that we place our confidence in our own plans without consulting God about His plans or what He might think of the plans we have---are they really what is best?

I planned to be a doctor and live in a mansion and drive a convertible and enjoy constant tropical vacations where I could regularly work on my tan. God planned for me to become a stay at home wife and mother of four and wipe poopy butts and snotty noses, amoung other humbling duties. God won. I started listening to Him, and His best is far better than what mine was, a lot less selfish and certainly less glamorous, lest anyone think that wiping a poopy bottom is going to land me on the cover of a magazine or create a buzz in Hollywood to film my life story.

My confidence is in the Lord. He can work best when I am weak and submitted to Him. It is easier for me to love Him and to find Him in a weakened state when I am broken in my circumstances and not depending on myself to fix the unfixable (2 Corinthians 12:9). I love that He cares for me and never leaves me that way, but invites me to rely on His strength and tells me that is my joy. I love that I can trust Him to judge and that all I have to do is look to Him and be confident that when He says He has good plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11), He means it, even if they are not the ones I would necessarily make for myself.

Now, I am not sure that I should characterize changing one poopy diaper after another as broken. Yesterday, our littlest managed to get one side of his diaper loose at the exact moment that he was having a very runny bowel movement that mostly ended up on the wood floor at his feet right as I was walking up to him. Never a dull moment in our home, I rushed to action with baby wipes, a clean diaper, Windex and paper towels, oh and Lysol. Not your idea of a typical action movie, but it was impressive how fast I cleaned it and was reminded in that split second of how I care for my little ones as the Lord cares for me--with slightly different tools---and I was humbled. Of course I am not going to leave this sweet little one whom I love with all my heart standing in a poopy, stinky mess. I am going to scoop him up in his tears and help restore him to a better state. He lies helpless, trying to fight the clean up at times because he still wants to go play, poopy or not, but I win this time, and he is like a new little man, ready to go again, until the next poopy diaper calls out my name.

And in the God inspired words of Paul in Romans 8:38-39, "...I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^a]">[a] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. ³⁹ No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." We are no different than my little man, who needs my loving and compassionate care in the middle of a huge mess called life.

Something to Say

I was an avid exerciser. I had "retired" as a fitness professional with the birth of our third child three years ago. At that time, I began to enjoy, once again after years and years of teaching, my workout time as being completely for my own benefit instead of making sure that I was not going to collapse in a class I was leading. Instead of being the gym rat that I had been for 15 years prior to that, I went outside with a jog stroller, kiddo in tow, when she was 15 days old. I found I did some of my best thinking when I move forward and was out in the air. (I cannot say fresh air here in Houston when it's packed out with every allergen known to man in every season!)

But, two years ago, I stopped exercising completely after a miscarriage. It wasn't on purpose at first. First, I was recovering physically and emotionally. Then I was just so sad, and I would, in my mind, link being out on the trails with the two agonizing weeks when I was losing the pregancy. I just didn't want to think about it, and that became an excuse not to return, not just to the trails but even to the gym. Then we got pregnant with our fourth little one about six weeks later, though long enough to derail me from a long-engrained habit, and the pregnacy and caring for our three other kids and our home drained every last bit of energy I had left. I was out of commission and remained there until this summer. I got on a bike. My husband bought one as an anniversary gift and bought a trailer for the kids to ride in with me.

During all this time of being down and out, my faith took on new life. We joined a church, finally. I began actively seeking the Lord in prayer, Bible study with other believers, and study on my own, and developed an intimate, personal relationship with Christ. My marriage improved and old relationship wounds began to heal miraculously. I had a healthy pregnancy and a new son, as our other three kids continued to grow up. I felt contentment and joy in a way that I had never experienced that came directly from my deepened relationship with Jesus and a new reliance on Him for strength I used to try unsuccessfully to muster.

Our new son, now a year old, started sleeping through the night over the summer too, shortly after I started exercising. I regained my energy and got some of my brain back! Maybe sometime I will write about Mommy brain. So I am back. I am on the road (actually, it's a sidewalk on a greenbelt, a little safer for the kids and I than our roads) rolling faster than before, even with a 35 lb bike trailer carring two kids weighing 23 lbs and 30 lbs inside it, and I am still wishing that I am going to get to redefine Mommy legs if I keep pedaling long enough, and not just Mommy brain!

My brain back on, and the Lord, as I meditate on Him and His Word while I am out breezing through swarms of knats which end up plastered on my chest and quacking at ducks with my kids for extra fun and to hear them laugh, has blessed me with time again with My Savior. There aren't that many ducks, obviously! My thoughts of Him and His thoughts for me are clearer and easier to hear in the quiet hum of my wheels and pedals, and the occasional duck quacking that I mentioned. That time is totally undeserved, and I am grateful daily that I have it and that He blessed us with the ability to be home with our children. And He gave me back something to say, what I hope are His inspiration and not just my meandering mouth, and at a time when everything around us in America is changing so fast that my head is spinning faster than I will ever be able to pedal, and I wonder what my life will look like in a year.

I know that I am no one, really. I won't be announcing to anyone but my husband that I am blogging. Maybe I will be the only one reading what I have to say. I think that my email list may just want to have me stop salting them with my commentaries, as I aspire to be the salt of the earth the Lord says I should be. The Bible tells me that each of us is like vapor in the wind, and while that thought could inspire a puff up of my ego as not wanting to be mere vapor, I can see how my life is passing by so quickly and that God did not breathe that thought to hurt me, but for me to see that this mortal part of my life is no dress rehearsal, but a time to prepare myself for His eternal presence as His bride, as a Christ worshipper--something far more important than my own agenda. What I have to say is for the sole purpose of glorifying His name here for the work of His kingdom and that my life purpose is to glorify Him while he does a good work in even me daily as I work out, quite literally in every sense, my salvation.